some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
