Someone shit on the floor
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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