What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
