He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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