Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Four minutes until I can fart!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
