hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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