She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
