My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I die, sorry about rent.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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