i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
