if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize