I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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