Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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