i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
