CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
