Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
