I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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