No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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