I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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