dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no you cant smoke seaweed
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
