do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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