so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
