I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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