We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize