You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
