What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
