She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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