I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
