It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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