Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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