He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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