Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
