HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
