I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
