Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
