I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
