That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
