She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
