If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
