Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize