It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
