that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
