I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
