Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
