So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
