yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize