just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
