I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
