If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
