Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
