We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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