a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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