so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
