is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
