hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
