How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize