I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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