You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
