Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
