You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
