Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize