I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
