omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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