dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize