I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
