I have demons in me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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