Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
