I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
