after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
