ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
