I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
