My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
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