You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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