if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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