who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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