i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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