I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
