He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I AM VODKA MAN
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
