Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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