Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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