I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
