it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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