i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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