i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
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