i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
