Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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