U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
