She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
