My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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