she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
