My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
