i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
