I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
