We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize