so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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