Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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