yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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