yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
