the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
