obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
