LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
