we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
