if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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